I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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