My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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