whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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