So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
not ubering you a puppy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
