i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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