Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
