Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
