i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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