when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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