He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He? As in you personified your dick?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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