Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
