Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
