I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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