Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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