I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
