I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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