there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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