Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
