Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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