Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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