Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
