Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
