But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
