??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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