he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
