I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
