He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
