My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just cropdusted the office
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
