is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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