When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
