drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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