She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
