If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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