I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
