Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize