Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
