Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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