Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
