you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
