Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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