found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
