my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
