my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
