I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
