you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
