I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
