I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
