last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
