I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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