we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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