there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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