Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
