You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
