Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
