after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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