The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
