Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
