Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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