she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
