and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize