I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
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instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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