you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
