I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
