I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
