I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
