Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
