nut hugger
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
